Surviving infidelity, that's what this blog is about, sure. But, it's more complex than that.

I am person who has now, for some time, been bound to a certain, well-defined pain. I'm not sure when it started. Maybe back long ago, somewhere in childhood. It's hard to say.

It has continued throughout my adult life, through fractured relationships and a lot of turmoil.  And, naturally, it has lead to  experiencing the ultimate betrayal, the one of the heart, from the person I trusted the most; or, whom I wanted to trust the most  (is better stated).

But, how could it have ended any other way? There are so many questions involved with all of this and surviving infidelity, I'm not sure where to begin. But, I am now coming to terms that I have been a responsible party in the events of my life, and I know now I want them to change.

So, the first questions: what have I done to my life?

How did it end up here?

Is it possible to let go of that which has brought pain and to claim a larger existence?

What is good about me, about being here, now?

What, if anything, gives my life meaning?

Straight up: I'm not interested in 'solutions.' I have found most of them to be pretty weak. They don't satisfy – don't feed the hungry lion. I am interested in the experience. What is it like? How did it come about? Can it be changed? I honestly don't know.

I want this blog to be a reflection and acknowledgment of the stupidities I have endured and perpetuated, and to be a reaching for something 'other' than all this madness.  And, along the way I am looking to redefine myself in the process. 

Everyone needs to be able to look into the mirror each morning and be able to stand what they see. This blog will not be about blame or victimization. In the end, who cares? What possible difference does it make?

In many ways to me now, all of that seems as if just another form of escape, another attempted movement from pain. What happens when you don't move from the pain, when you walk straight towards it and confront it? Is there a chance then to end some of this, to grow up? To define your life on your terms?

I don't know. But, I want to find out. I want this blog to be a living thing, and that anyone that stumbles upon it immediately senses there is real person here, reaching. Surviving infidelity implies that to me.

Everything is now, isn't it? And, the exploration is far more important than any 'answer' you've been given by the token authority. God bless Dr. Phil and Ellen and Oprah and Deepak and Mr. Robbins. To witness signs of cheating and experience a heart-shattering betrayal, to survive that, to rise up and walk away…that is what this blog is "about." "I've packed my bags, and I'm headed straight into a storm." – Bruce Springsteen, from the song "Badlands."

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