That is the main thesis of this blog. Moving beyond betrayal and into meaning. But, what does it mean, exactly?

I’ll speak to this personally and what it means to me. You see when I started this blog it was because I had gone through my own personal drama. I had been on the down end of a cheating spouse, and I had experienced the whole gamut of pain and emotion.

Reader’s Digest version: I suspected my wife was cheating on me, was told I was insecure and should seek counseling by my wife (none of which I believed or did), watched the situation for several months and then caught her bed with another man at 3am with my five year-old sick son asleep in the back seat of my parked car.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Parallel Paths

All true. All devastating. For a long time I felt like someone had taken a bowie knife and cut my heart out of my chest. Sitting here today and writing this I have to tell you how strange it is. It feels close and far away at the same time.  She is gone from my life.  Now, even though we share children, we do not speak.  We haven’t in years.

I know that is not ideal when you have children, but for me it is the only way. My ex turned out to be a pathological liar with a heavy doze of narcissism thrown in for good measure. She made Casey Anthony look like a Sunday school teacher.

I don’t say that to trash her now, but after more years involved with this than I care to admit, I felt I had to remove it from my life. And, I did. That hasn’t been easy, but that’s a story for another day.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: When You Start Slipping Away

When you are betrayed by someone you’ve “loved,” someone to whom you’ve given all of your trust and heart, something very strange begins to happen. You slip almost unconsciously into living a reactive life.

In other words, you become the victim.  You no longer are leading the charge in your life. Instead you are constantly responding to this hurt, to the actions of another. And, that is no way to live a life. Ever.

I took a ride on a “down bound train.”  There were a few points where I came face to face with my own destruction. It has lead me on on an odyssey to understand the parameters of the adult romantic relationship and to come to some understanding of who I am. Again, not always easy, and in many instances quite painful even.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Your Arrival

For me I finally arrived at the point where enough was enough. The decision to let it all go was almost a conscious one. Am I going to let this destroy me, or am I going to move in another direction?

I have three kids that have watched me respond throughout this drawn out drama. It has not been fair to them. And, I know I have not been fair to them. But, all I can do is go from today and go forward.  Really, that is all any of us can do.

We are conscious beings. What gives our lives value is the meaning we assign to it. We are all involved in this lineage of time that moves through all of us, toward a definite ending. Our parents have given us this ground, we negotiate it as best we can and in turn pass it on to our children to do the same.

No matter what calamity we experience, no matter how much hardship we endure, we survive. Life is for the survivors.  And, those survivors must define what gives their lives meaning, in what has been the value of being alive.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Your Survival

I have gone through a betrayal in an adult romantic relationship. It happens to a lot of us.  To most of us, in fact.

This experience has added a great depth to who I am. It has given my life a broader meaning than it ever could have had without it.  This pain has made me more aware and a better human being in the end. It has been a great teacher, and I grateful it has chosen me.

If you are going through something similar, through the heartbreak of your trusted partner betraying you, I can you tell you it is not without meaning. In fact, there is tremendous meaning.

If I can be so bold as to you offer just a little advice: Don’t attempt to avoid the pain that has come to you.

Don’t go around it.

Go through it instead.

Travel bravely through the storm.

Never let anyone take the best part of who you are away.

Find meaning in every day you live. Our time here is limited.

Don’t let anyone or anything knock you off your course.  Dare to be brave and move through to live this day as best and as fully as you can.

It is all we have.

Let the dead have the dead.  Claim more for yourself.

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