If you are recovering from infidelity and found this site, you may be wondering what I am referring to when I talk about “meaning.” I think it is important, and definitely worthy of a blog post.

For the sake of clarity, here is one definition of “meaning” from the dictionary: the end, purpose, or significance of something.

Now, when you first began to sense you are seeing signs of a cheating spouse, immediately comes the pain of feeling inadequate. Why else would they wander? The message you receive: you are no longer enough. You no longer satisfy. You have become dull and uninteresting.

Recovering from Infidelity: Where Did It All Begin?

Which, of course, could be not true at all. The impetus for the betrayal could easily lie with what is going on with your spouse or partner and have little to do with you.

This feeling of I-am-no-longer-enough is particularly hard on women due to the worship of youth in our culture, but believe me, it is difficult for men as well.

Because we have defined our life with our partner, that definition has “meaning” to us. If a person off the street approached you and told you were plain and uninteresting, I doubt you would care much. Bugger off, leave me be. But, when it comes from a trusted partner, it carries weight. It has “meaning.”

That meaning carries a whole fabric of experience you have shared together, which has been your life. And, if that has been wronged or betrayed, then what is the meaning of all this?

I think that is one of reasons why couples recovering from infidelity struggle so mightily to stay in tact.

“If I leave this, after all these years, what has been the meaning of my life? If I walk away, I have lost that definition of self.”

Getting over an affair raises many basic issues, not only as couple, but as an individual as well.

Recovering from Infidelity & the Source of Meaning

But, I am about to propose something you may view as radical.

What if our lives have no more meaning than what we assign to them at any given time? Please consider that for a moment. It carries all kinds of ramifications.

If it is true that “meaning” comes from us, then what extraordinary power we have in our daily lives. We are no longer victimized by the machinery of society and relationships. We are the source of what gives our lives value.

You cannot dictate or control the crap that gets thrown in your path. It comes from all angles. That which is good and sane is always most rare. But, what you can control, what you do have a say in, is how you respond to it. There seems to be a tremendous secret in that, somehow.

If you are recovering from infidelity or have caught your intimate partner cheating, more than likely you feel as if you have been run over by a truck, and there is no meaning to anything.

I am asking you to be courageous and make another choice for yourself. Do not let this define you. Trust yourself. Be more, regardless of whether or not you reconcile with your partner. Give yourself space to find what gives your life meaning away from your spouse.

If you are recovering from infidelity, I believe that is good place to start.

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