One of the biggest obstacles in dealing with infidelity is moving through the anger. Not only does it pose a threat to the life of whatever may be left of the relationship, but it also can threaten your personal safety and well-being.
What makes it particularly dangerous: you just don’t care.
Looking back on my own personal experience of dealing with infidelity, my anger began with the arrival of my suspicion.
My imagination galloped like a wild horse back and forth across my mind. I was massively indecisive on whether or not confront my wife. Unfortunately for me, I could not control my emotions and against my better judgment, I charged in and demanded answers.
Looking back now, I wish I had handled it all so differently. Not that I think it would have helped us in surviving a divorce. I know it would not have. But, I would look back and know I had the personal satisfaction I did the best I could do. Writing this now, I do not have that satisfaction. And, that is my biggest regret.
And, you know what’s really funny? The moment that I knew, I mean I absolutely had solid proof that everything I had feared was true, that I was indeed dealing with a lying spouse, all the anger vanished; for a while anyway. Instead I became lucid, calm. So many things were over, and I felt strangely peaceful. I was not crazy. I had been right all along.
Someday I’ll tell the entire story on this blog, but for now I’ll just say I stood outside a door knowing full well my wife was on the other side, in bed with another man. It was 3AM, and the streets were deserted, and I could see the stars clear in the night sky. I knocked on the door because I wanted her to know I was there, but that is really all I wanted. My son was five years old, sick and asleep in the car. After a good round of loud knocks I returned to the car, and we quietly headed home through those deserted streets.
Dealing with Infidelity, And Not Letting Go
Over the next days and weeks and months, we fought like hell, of course. And, now I wonder why. Why not just leave it, acknowledge that neither of us was very happy and move on? There are great mysteries to all of this. If you’re getting over an affair, perhaps you know these feelings, these circumstances.
Why cling to something that is only hurt? Why does it become so hard to let go? Why is surviving infidelity so complex?
At one time I was filled with romantic notions about all this, but not anymore. Why did I stay? Why go back again and again? It’s simple really. I was weak. That is honest, and that is all.
This was mine despite the signs of cheating. My heart beat for it. I had worked hard for it. Nothing was supposed to touch it. It was my life, and I had defined it with her. But, what I didn’t know: I was wrong. And, slowly, very slowly those dreams began to die, one by one until there was nothing left.
When dealing with infidelity, there will be a roller coaster of emotion, hurt and anger. Good judgment can be hard to find, and it is easy to feel at the mercy of a fury well beyond yourself. You just have to hang on. Sometimes that’s all you can do.
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Article by Stan Sentavi
I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."
has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com
