Red lights are flashing on the highway
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home tonight
Everywhere the waters getting rough
Your best intentions may not be enough
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home tonight

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

I don’t know nothing except change will come
Year after year what we do is undone
Time keeps moving from a crawl to a run
I wonder if we’re gonna ever get home

You’re out there walking down a highway
And all of the signs got blown away
Sometimes you wonder if you’re walking in the wrong direction

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

So many things that I had before
That don’t matter to me now
Tonight I cry for the love that I’ve lost
And the love I’ve never found
When the last bird falls
And the last siren sounds
Someone will say what’s been said before
Some love we were looking for

But if you break down
I’ll drive out and find you
If you forget my love
I’ll try to remind you
And stay by you when it don’t come easy

That is the main thesis of this blog. Moving beyond betrayal and into meaning. But, what does it mean, exactly?

I’ll speak to this personally and what it means to me. You see when I started this blog it was because I had gone through my own personal drama. I had been on the down end of a cheating spouse, and I had experienced the whole gamut of pain and emotion.

Reader’s Digest version: I suspected my wife was cheating on me, was told I was insecure and should seek counseling by my wife (none of which I believed or did), watched the situation for several months and then caught her bed with another man at 3am with my five year-old sick son asleep in the back seat of my parked car.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Parallel Paths

All true. All devastating. For a long time I felt like someone had taken a bowie knife and cut my heart out of my chest. Sitting here today and writing this I have to tell you how strange it is. It feels close and far away at the same time.  She is gone from my life.  Now, even though we share children, we do not speak.  We haven’t in years.

I know that is not ideal when you have children, but for me it is the only way. My ex turned out to be a pathological liar with a heavy doze of narcissism thrown in for good measure. She made Casey Anthony look like a Sunday school teacher.

I don’t say that to trash her now, but after more years involved with this than I care to admit, I felt I had to remove it from my life. And, I did. That hasn’t been easy, but that’s a story for another day.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: When You Start Slipping Away

When you are betrayed by someone you’ve “loved,” someone to whom you’ve given all of your trust and heart, something very strange begins to happen. You slip almost unconsciously into living a reactive life.

In other words, you become the victim.  You no longer are leading the charge in your life. Instead you are constantly responding to this hurt, to the actions of another. And, that is no way to live a life. Ever.

I took a ride on a “down bound train.”  There were a few points where I came face to face with my own destruction. It has lead me on on an odyssey to understand the parameters of the adult romantic relationship and to come to some understanding of who I am. Again, not always easy, and in many instances quite painful even.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Your Arrival

For me I finally arrived at the point where enough was enough. The decision to let it all go was almost a conscious one. Am I going to let this destroy me, or am I going to move in another direction?

I have three kids that have watched me respond throughout this drawn out drama. It has not been fair to them. And, I know I have not been fair to them. But, all I can do is go from today and go forward.  Really, that is all any of us can do.

We are conscious beings. What gives our lives value is the meaning we assign to it. We are all involved in this lineage of time that moves through all of us, toward a definite ending. Our parents have given us this ground, we negotiate it as best we can and in turn pass it on to our children to do the same.

No matter what calamity we experience, no matter how much hardship we endure, we survive. Life is for the survivors.  And, those survivors must define what gives their lives meaning, in what has been the value of being alive.

Beyond Betrayal & Into Meaning: Your Survival

I have gone through a betrayal in an adult romantic relationship. It happens to a lot of us.  To most of us, in fact.

This experience has added a great depth to who I am. It has given my life a broader meaning than it ever could have had without it.  This pain has made me more aware and a better human being in the end. It has been a great teacher, and I grateful it has chosen me.

If you are going through something similar, through the heartbreak of your trusted partner betraying you, I can you tell you it is not without meaning. In fact, there is tremendous meaning.

If I can be so bold as to you offer just a little advice: Don’t attempt to avoid the pain that has come to you.

Don’t go around it.

Go through it instead.

Travel bravely through the storm.

Never let anyone take the best part of who you are away.

Find meaning in every day you live. Our time here is limited.

Don’t let anyone or anything knock you off your course.  Dare to be brave and move through to live this day as best and as fully as you can.

It is all we have.

Let the dead have the dead.  Claim more for yourself.

*Sign up below for our FREE 33+ Page Report: “7 Telltale Signs of a Truly Reformed Cheater,” and Unlock the Truth Beyond the Words They Speak:

If you’re looking to catch a cheating spouse, I thought it might fun to include the story of Gwen. Read it and see if it sounds remotely familiar:

Gwen is in her mid to late 40′s, from Kansas City, Missouri. She’s been married for well over twenty years. She has two teenage children – a boy and a girl; one already off to college and one on the way there shortly.

Gwen has picked up a few extra pounds over the years, but with working and taking care of the household, where’s the time for anything personal?  She doesn’t even have her hair done much anymore.

Gwen and her husband don’t occupy the same intimate spaces now either. That has long since past. They rarely sleep together, rarely talk intimately, rarely share the innermost parts of their lives. She has accepted this as part of the natural maturation of life and of a long-term relationship. You can’t be “in love” forever, right?

Gwen has looked to her husband for definition of self. When he stopped making sexual advances towards her, it hurt, but she rationalized that it was just a part of life. She has always listened to her husband and respected his opinion, from politics to how to discipline the children, to the friends they’ve kept. He always held the role of the authority. For the most part, she accepted all this without much thought. This is what her mom did, this is what she had been taught. Gwen viewed her husband as the proverbial, “good man.” He went to work, never complained, and fulfilled all his roles, executed all his duties without fail. “What really more can I ask?” she often thought.

Catch a Cheating Spouse – The Game Intensifies

At first Gwen didn’t believe the signs she was seeing: her husband not at home as usual. Gone, absent in those family spaces that he was always so familiar. That’s how it started. Then she noticed him dressing nicer when he left the house, even on the weekends when he was always in sweats, t-shirt and ball cap.

Then she noticed him getting calls on his cell phone at strange hours. And, he’d always leave the room to take his calls. There was a wall around him now that she could not penetrate.

Out of the blue, he began doing his own laundry. Something he had not done in all their years of marriage. There had been a disconnection in their marriage for sometime, but now it was acute. He seemed completely dis-interested in her. Gwen couldn’t even remember the last time he really looked at her. She tried having her hair done, pulling out all the works with a makeover and a new dress, but he didn’t even give her a second look.

One night when her suspicions has gotten the best of her, Gwen went out to her husband’s car while he was sleeping and went through his things. In the glove box she found a set of matches to a fancy downtown restaurant that they had never been together. They had driven by, she had even remarked, “We’ll have to go there sometime,” but it never happened. On the passenger side, on the side door container, she found a tube of bright, red lipstick. It wasn’t hers. “Maybe it belongs to my daughter.” How she longed for that to be true. But, the glass that churned in her stomach told her differently. Gwen was now determined to catch a cheating spouse.

Saturday night came and Gwen received the usual call from her husband in late afternoon that he was going to be playing cards with his friends. These card games had multiplied in number over these last few months. “Okay,” was all Gwen said upon being told, and her husband hung up the phone.

Catch a Cheating Spouse – No More Waiting Around

On this night Gwen had decided she had had enough of just sitting around. She waited a hour, got into her car and drove by the restaurant that was on the matchbox cover she had found in his car. The restaurant had big bay window in the front, and  the inhabitants could be seen from the streets as they dined. In her initial drive-by, Gwen thought she saw her husband sitting with someone, but she couldn’t be sure.

She parked the car a couple of blocks away and walked shyly towards the restaurant. As she approached closer, her walk turned to a nervous tip-toe. She knew all that hung in the balance.

There sitting off to the side was her husband, seated next to a woman who looked to be 20 years his younger. Gwen watched her husband talk and laugh, and at one point she even saw him reach across the table and take the woman’s hand. In  those moments she felt her entire life slip away, and an intense sorrow overcame her. “My whole life is a lie.” And, she felt everything was lost. “Everything is gone.”

“There are no answers, only choices.”

If you think your partner is cheating and you are wondering, “How do I catch a cheating spouse?” do you see yourself in the story of Gwen? If you do, this blog is for you.

James Hollis is a wonder.

I have affectionately called him “Yoda Hollis.”

Listening to him speak is like listening to the voice of wisdom itself.

Chances are if you have found this blog you are undergoing a personal and emotional crisis. I wanted to put something right up front that I felt was going to be of immediate help to you. This interview with Hollis is almost a half hour long. It is worth the listen. If you can’t listen now, bookmark the site and come back and listen another time.

Listening to this interview will put some ground beneath your feet and bring you back down to earth. I’ve lived through this crisis of infidelity, I know how discombobulating it can be. I’m attempting to throw you a life-line with this interview.  I feel it is important to stress that.

I hope you’ll listen to this interview and the one with Byron Katie just to the right on the “home” page of the blog, and I hope you find them to be of assistance to you.

“Getting Altitude”

Eben Pagan had a great self-actualization course out a few years ago. He called it “Get Altitude.” By that he meant gaining a new perspective on the life that has been given to you, the life you have created for yourself.  Sometimes we are so close to the forest, we cannot see our own creation. The task then is to “get altitude” and see your life in a different way.

Surviving Infidelity & Beyond

I want so badly for this blog to be a living, breathing thing. Real. I want whatever visitor who lands here to know that I am real, that my empathy for your situation is genuine.

If you are surviving infidelity (or fear a trusted partner is cheating on you) then I have been through what you are currently experiencing. That is the reason this blog, and all the work it represents, exits. It is here for you (and for me as well). To infuse meaning to the whole experience of living through a betrayal of someone you hold/held dearest.

Some Pointers…

Listen to the interviews with Hollis and Katie that opposite each other in the “Featured Posts” section of this blog.

Go to the “Free Stuff” section, and see if there’s anything there you think can help you.

I can particularly recommend “The 9 Excerpt” of an interview professional journalist Heather Vale Goss did exclusively for InfidelitySurvivor.com with private investigator, Patrick Schneemann.   Having been in the private investigating/cheating spouse business for over twenty years, Patrick offers an experienced perspective on the parameters of cheating within a committed relationship.  If anyone knows the machinations of the cheating heart, Patrick does.

Browse through the topics and different posts. Please feel free to leave a comment, if you like. Tell me what you can relate to, and tell me when you think I’m full of shit. We are in this together, taking the same journey at the same time, sharing our experience and reaching for more all the time.  That reaching is what gives it all meaning.

My contact information is here: Contact Me, if you would like to get in touch with me. I check my mail every day, and I answer it too.  Test it and see.

The Journey Into Meaning

If your experience of betrayal is anything like mine was – and, why shouldn’t it be, are we all that much different, really? – you will come to find eventually that surviving an infidelity isn’t about your partner, or even about your relationship.  It is about you. It is about now. It is about how you handle this crisis and the life you are living and creating each day.

Everything is now. Everything is you. If you spend any time here at all, you will hear that repeated again and again.

Fight for what is good about you. Never let the best of who you are be taken or slip away.  Find what is beautiful about your life and take a bold yellow marker and highlight it every day.  Splash it against the sky so you never forget.

You have this one life.  Hold what gives it meaning close and never let it go.  The meaning is you.  The journey is into self.  Infidelity is the signal it is time to awaken from the slumber and re-claim the breath that gives you life.

Thanks for visiting the blog. I hope it is a meaningful visit for you.  I hope you’ll return and be apart of my creation.  The invitation is open for you any time.

What we were, we aren’t.

Whatever we seemed, we have cast aside.

What we’ve become, we’ll be forever…

“How Do I Get My Ex Back”

If you’re asking,”How do I get my ex back?” please consider this:

I believe it is very much a part of us to seek intimacy.  If we don’t have it, if we don’t experience that deep connection to something, we tend to drift to disconnected place in ourselves that are capable of great damage, both for ourselves for those with whom we come in contact.

Once we feel we have that connection with another, that deep intimate connection, we go to great lengths to maintain it, to keep it alive.  But, unfortunately, “shit happens,” and you could easily look up and find something you value to be a long way off.  Perhaps you even feel like it has been lost.

But, I a firm believer in this: Anything can be changed, especially if there’s a goodness to it.

So, if you’ve gone through a split with someone you’ve loved, if you wish it to be different, if you’re aching and asking, “How do I get my ex back?” take heart. It ain’t over till the Fat Lady sings.  It’s is possible to reach down into the past and change it if the stars are aligned right, and you make the proper choices.  But, make no mistake, it won’t be easy.

Be accountable and do a little personal inventory before setting out to get your ex back? Be honest with yourself and ask what is motivating the desire to re-unite with your former intimate.  Those personal inquiry will be basis for your approach and will dictate how you handle a delicate situation.

“How Do I Get My Ex Back?” – Some Tough Questions

1.  Why?  Why do you want to get your ex back?  Be honest with yourself here.  If this is a control issue, or if you playing “to win” you can just forget about it.  Why waste your time and theirs with this petty nonsense?  Love is not game with winners and losers.  It is about being connected in a world that is too often fragmented and torn apart.  If you are out to “win” something you will cause destruction, including your own.  Don’t play that game.

2.  Do you feel like there’s a chance they may still have feelings for you, or did they communicate to you in no uncertain terms that they were finished with you good?  Let’s face it, sometimes it’s just over, with nothing to be done about it.  But, there are other instances when that isn’t true at all.

Life has a great tendency to throw us some hellacious curve balls, and we often aren’t expecting them. Perhaps your relationship feel victim to one them.

3. Did the “good” of the two of you outweigh the bad?  Again, be honest with yourself. Don’t desire this relationship just because it is a known quantity and part of your past.  Was there goodness to it? Is it really worth the effort to resurrect it?

Above all, meet this head-on.  If you screwed up, acknowledge that first begins with admitting it to yourself.  Learn from your mistake and move away from them.  But, you can’t make that move until your problems are clearly seen.

“How Do I Get My Ex Back?” – Coming Up With a Plan

Lastly, set in motion a full-scale plan to win them back.  Be meticulous and write it all down to last action, nothing left to chance. Not only will this help you systematically approach this as a solvable problem, it will also help you visualize the exact steps you have to make to win back the heart you feel you’ve lost.

So, if you are asking, “How do I get my ex back?” know more than anything, this is about you, your motivation and your heart. If you’re true, you’re off to a great start.

“How Do I Get My Ex Back”

I first discovered Charles Bukowski when I was in college. He’s been a good friend over the years.

I remembered this poem and wanted to share with the visitors to my blog. It’s beautiful.

There’s a lot of hope in there, a lot resiliency.

Stand on your own two feet and never back down.  This is your life.

your life is your life
don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.
be on the watch.
there are ways out.
there is a light somewhere.
it may not be much light but
it beats darkness.
be on the watch.
the gods offer you chances.
know them.
take them.
you can’t beat death but
you can beat death in life, sometimes.
and the more often you learn to do it,
the more light there will be.
your life is your life.
know life is your life.
know it while you have it.
you are marvelous
the gods wait to delight
in you.

“Ah the night…here it comes again”
It’s on with the jeans, the jacket and the shirt
How’d I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I’m too scared to know to how I feel about you now
La Cienega just smiles…”see ya around”

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
And raise my glass ’cause either way I’m dead
Neither of you really help me to sleep anymore
One breaks my body and the other breaks my soul
La Cienega just smiles as it waves goodbye

“Ah the night…here it comes again”
It’s off with the jeans, the jacket and the shirt
How’d I end up feeling so bad
For such a little girl?

And I hold you close in the back of my mind
Feels so good but damn it makes me hurt
And I’m too scared to know how I feel about you now
How I feel about you now
La Cienega just smiles and says, “I’ll see you around”

There is something magical about Byron Katie and the way she discusses the modern adult, romantic relationship.  There is a re-focusing of the entire parameter of perception.

The emphasis is on “you” and not on your partner, no matter how much you feel you may need them.  No matter how much you may feel you’ve been victimized.  You have more power than you realize.  It’s a matter of perception.

This is a lengthy video.  Do yourself a favor and listen to every minute of it.

I felt it was important to put something of great value in the lead slots of this website.   If you think your partner is betraying you,  or if you know that to be true, Byron Katie is a light in the dark wilderness.  Follow the light.

There is a way out.  And, it is through you.

I apologize for the quality of this video. And, yes, I’m aware of the buzzing in the background.  But the quality of the content makes it all worth it.  Watch the video. Re-claim your life.  Don’t allow anyone to steal it from you for anything.

How To Survive An Affair

How to survive an affair?

How do you do it?

Is it even possible to recover what you’ve lost when a trusted partner betrays you?

When I discovered my wife was having an affair behind my back – and is there any other way to do it, I mean she wasn’t going to do ‘behind my front’ was she? – I was devastated.

I couldn’t sleep.

I think I went five or six days without eating.

I went through a really bad stretch  where I lost track of my long-time friends, and where I could hear the whispers about my performance at work.

Even my relationship with my kids suffered.

I was no good to anyone at all.

How to Survive an Affair – The Train to Suck City

Dealing with the anger was particularly difficult.  How could she do it to me?  How could she do it to our kids, our family?

I was honestly afraid I could do some physical violence.  It was a pretty scary time.  I felt like I’d lost everything.  I felt like something had gone that I would never be able to get back.

I was riding on the one-way train to Suck City, and all the lights were out.

When I did finally confess my situation to a few trusted friends, they tried to console me with a lot of different rationalizations.

“You didn’t do anything to deserve this.”

“This isn’t about you, it’s about her.”

“You find out about a person.”

Well, none of that came close to touching my pain.  None of alleviated my heartache. There were no words that were going to teach me how to survive an affair.  More than anything I felt isolated and alone.

The train to Suck City was a lonely ride.

I felt completely victimized.

How to Survive an Affair – My Epiphany

Then one day I had a epiphany.  I realized my wife didn’t do this to me.  It was something we had created together.  There were a lot of small choices I made along the way that contributed to the choice she made to have an affair.

Now, by no means was I going to shoulder the responsibility for her betrayal.  That belonged squarely to her.  But, I knew I had a hand in creating the relationship we came to share.  I was moody and aloof.  I spent a lot of time away from home and my family.  Little by little, piece by piece it had a price, just as every choice does.

Ultimately what caused us to split and make the decision to divorce was the emotion and the hurt.  I couldn’t get passed it.  And, I came to realize what completely different people we had become.

I knew there was a piece of my heart that would always love her (that was tough to admit, even to myself). Truly. Madly. Deeply.

I also came to knew that it just didn’t work with us, and to keep trying was only going to bring us both more pain.

I don’t think that’s true for every couple, however.  Not by a long shot.  I do think it’s possible to re-connect and maybe even have a better relationship than the one before.

That is if both parties are willing.

If both parties are responsible.

How to Survive an Affair – A Warning

I would warn anyone reading this:  If you’re surviving infidelity and asking how to survive an affair know it is a process that takes time.  Give yourself and your partner some space to discover thoughts and feelings that may have gone unacknowledged for years.

It’s a well-worn cliche’, but it’s true:  Time has miraculous powers of healing.

In the end you’ll know if it’s right for the two of you to stay together.  Every situation is different, every couple is different.  Sometimes the only option is to face the death of the relationship.

There are worse things than death, that is for certain.

How to survive an affair?  Take the journey inward that the universe is demanding you take.  Face up to the hurt and be responsible for your life and the world where you live.

When you do, the trip to Suck City isn’t nearly as long.

*Sign up below for our  FREE 33+ Page Report: “7 Telltale Signs of a Truly Reformed Cheater,” and Unlock the Truth Beyond the Words They Speak:

How To Survive An Affair

How to apologize to your spouse: In a lot of hot water, huh? Let’s get these bases covered, and get you taken care of.

If done with depth and sincerity, the apology can pull your ass out of a lot of trouble.  Done improperly, it is completely meaningless and can do real damage to your cause.

I’m sure you’ve met people who just refuse to apologize no matter the circumstances. It’s against their definition of self. I’ve met my share in my time. For some reason, a lot of them are attorneys, but that’s a topic for another day.

I believe there are two reasons in a spousal situation that are detrimental to a heartfelt apology.

How to Apologize to Your Spouse – Two Reasons It Can Be Difficult

1) Foolish Pride – Perhaps you’re one of those type “A” personality people, and you feel you are incapable of making a mistake. Even if you know you’ve made one, you just can’t admit it, to yourself and much more to anyone else. Just ain’t gonna happen.  That’s too bad. You’re missing out on a lot.

2) Intense Embarrassment – I think this is common to us all. We have let someone down. We know we have hurt someone. To apologize brings us face to face with our own guilt. We are forced to confront our weaknesses, and who wants to do that? Let me share something with you now: We (that includes you) are all human. We all make mistakes.

It takes a helluva lot bigger person to man up and admit it, then it takes to run away and live in denial. And, when you confront these things, when you refuse to let fear overtake you, you have a great chance to enlarge your being and be ‘more’ than what you were before.

How to Apologize to Your Spouse – A Word of Warning

Let me issue a word of caution here: If you are surviving infidelity, and you’re wondering how to apologize to your spouse, you want to stand tall and sincere in front them, DO NOT think of rationalizing what you’ve done wrong. “Well, I know I did it, but you haven’t been treating me very well lately, and I’ve been lonely.”

That is not an apology.

That is you making a half-assed attempt at getting yourself out of hot water. Think this through before you start, and know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.

How to Apologize to Your Spouse – The Key Elements

• Acknowledge What You’ve Done Wrong – Your spouse will be looking to you to see if you understand why they’ve been hurt. Don’t think any of this is obvious, and you don’t have to vocalize it. You do. Say it, and say it bravely without hesitation. Describe their feelings to them. Show them that you emphasize. “I know how much this has hurt you, and you may be thinking you can never forgive me…” That’s a start.
• Be Upfront and Sincere – Do not apologize just to pacify your partner, playing a game of emotional paddy-cake. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Confess everything. Get it out , get it over, get it done. If you want something to change, then change it. Stop waiting for someone to do it for you.
• Own It – Don’t make excuses for yourself. That enters the realm of being pathetic. It’s another form of rationalization. “I did this, it was a choice I made, and I was wrong.” Straight from your heart to theirs, no bullshit.
• Paint the Picture of a Better Future – Once you’ve clearly and fully acknowledged your wrong-doing, describe to them in great detail what you’re going to do differently, how you’re going to it, and when you’re going to start.
• Get in Touch With Yourself – More so than anything now, you’re going to want to be straight up with your partner. If you don’t know the answer to something, be honest. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t know” or to – heaven forbid – open yourself up to vulnerability. You may be surprised at what you discover here.
• Go About Proving It to Your Partner – A real apology isn’t about the words you say, really, although that’s a place to start. It’s more about how you back it up with action. Can you walk the walk? If you can’t, you’re better off just walking away.

*Huge apology tip (do this and thank me later – trust me, you will):

Put it in writing.

There is nothing more intimate than a letter, written in your hand. Give yourself some time, sit down and examine how you feel about the mess you have made and write to them about it. Not only will they be floored to get the letter, it will  therapeutic for you as well.

Another great thing about a letter: they can carry it with them, open it up later and read it again and again. It will pound your message home, over and over again. Trust me. It’s better than the spoken word, and if you combine the two with something from your heart, you have a knockout punch in the making.

Lastly, for those asking “how to apologize to your spouse” that once you’ve done all this, you really have done all you can do. It’s then up to your spouse if they can forgive or not.

Some can, some can’t.

But, couples don’t have the right to punish each other again and again. You are not forced to live the circumstances of your mistakes for the rest of your life. There is a new beginning, if you both make the choice to allow it.

*Sign up below for our FREE 33+ Page Report: “7 Telltale Signs of a Truly Reformed Cheater,” and Unlock the Truth Beyond the Words They Speak:

“The Descendants” – Alexander Payne.

I loved this movie. Flat out loved it.

When I find a movie that is meaningful to me, I go whole hog. I see it three or four times. Then my mind goes back over it again and again, digesting it, attempting to figure out why I’ve found it be so moving.

I’ve done this with “The Descendants.”

Brief story summary: George Clooney plays Matt King, an attorney living in Hawaii with a wife and two girls, age 17 and 10.

His wife has been in a boating accident and is in a coma when the movie opens.

Not long after, he discovers she will not be waking up from the coma.

Soon after that his 17 year-old daughter informs him his wife has been having an affair on him.

“You really don’t have a clue, do you Dad?”

This starts what remains of the family on an odyssey to find his wife’s lover, to inform him of her impending death and to tie up loose ends.

George Clooney is just great as Matt King. You get to see his character struggle: The small parts of himself vs. the larger parts. Clooney communicates so much pain throughout this film, most of it without having to speak a word. In fact, two of my favorite scenes have him alone and overwhelmed, broken and not knowing where to go. You know. Kind of like real life.

I put this movie alongside “Solaris” has two of all time favorites – Clooney was magnificent in that as well.

Shailene Woodley as his 17 year-old, just about steals the movie. And, Nick Krause as “Sid,” her boyfriend is simply too good to be true.

This movie takes some twists and turns, and there are a few subplots along the way that drive the story to an elegant ending. But, make no mistake, this is movie about one man’s struggle to come to terms with the betrayal of his wife. And, as she is no longer around to participate in his discovery and healing, he must do that alone.

This is a beautiful film.  Poignant and sad, but funny and filled with depth.  You’ll get lost with these characters for two hours and never even realize you are in a movie theater.   I don’t think I can say anything better of a movie.

Alexander Payne always puts out top-notch stuff when he makes a film. He’s done “Election,” “About Schmidt,” “Sideways,” and now “The Descendants.”  All four are top-shelf movies.  If you haven’t seen them, get your butt to the movie theater (or order up on NetFlix if you’re reading later); you’ll be glad you did.

I’ve seen “The Descendants” four times now. That’s how much I loved it. I’d go see it again, but I think I’m running out of people to take with me.

Wanna go?

How To Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating

How to tell if your husband is cheating.

One of the biggest obstacles you will have to overcome when attempting to get at the truth is your emotional view of the problem. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have an emotional reaction to the prospect of your husband cheating you. The problem comes when attempting to keep those emotions in check.

Why is that important? Because if you stay calm – or as calm as is possible – it is going to benefit your search for the truth of what he’s really up to. Staying calm will help you gather the information you want to know.  That’s it. It’s not for him. It’s for you.

Having that said, lets get into some other stuff that will help you know how to tell if your husband is cheating.

How to Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating – Quick Tips

1) He guards his cell phone with his life. It should be obvious that the cell phone is hub of all communication and privacy. Does your husband get a call and step out of the room to take the call? When he returns is always “someone from work?” Is he getting calls or text messages at odd hours? Is the phone NEVER out of his sight?

2) Is he spending more time on the computer? And, is this time guarded as well? Does he hop on the computer when you’re not around, like after you’ve headed to bed? You have to ask yourself, “Why does is he so concerned about his privacy?”

3) Is he defensive and pick fights with you now? This could be because of feeling of guilt and subconsciously he’s attempting to justify his betrayal in his mind. A fight with you is also a great excuse to leave the house and some “alone time.” Again, note the increase in his privacy, away from you.

4) An increased work load that is not exhibited in his check. All couples are different, but if you have access to his paycheck, does it reflect the hours he says he’s working? Work is the perfect excuse to be away, particularly if you are not familiar with his work environment.

Conversely, does his check show any missing time that you can’t account for? A day missed here or there that you knew nothing about? Where was he? With whom?

5) Missing money. If you have any access to his banking statements, is it all adding up? If your husband is involved with another woman, he’s going to be spending some money in the process. How much could indicate how involved he is.

Another important tip in this regard: Is he now doing a lot of cash transactions? That would indicate he’s conscious of not leaving a trail of how he’s spending his money. You have to ask why.

6) He has renewed interest in his personal appearance. Is he visiting his barber more now? Shaving and looking sharp whenever he leaves the house, even on the weekends? Has the t-shirt and ball cap given way his the dress shirt and slacks?

How to Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating & “The Gym”

Also, has he joined a gym? Beside “work” the “gym” is the perfect excuse to be away. Not only could it serve to get him in shape for another woman, it could give him an alibi for missing time.

“Headed to the gym. Be back in a couple of hours.”

And, when he returns he’s freshly showered and as shiny as a new dime. But, what else could be going on inside those two hours?

Those are just a few of the traits to help you know how to tell if your husband is cheating. With the advent of the Internet in our society, having an affair is easier than it has ever been. An old lover or a new one is only a couple of clicks away.

Trust your intuition when you see signs of cheating and take action when you think you have a wayward husband.

*Sign up below for our FREE 33+ Page Report: “7 Telltale Signs of a Truly Reformed Cheater,” and Unlock the Truth Beyond the Words They Speak:

How To Tell If Your Husband Is Cheating