Getting Over An Affair

I see two different stages when it comes to infidelity and getting over an affair.

Getting Over an Affair – Stage 1) I gotta know. I suspect.

I’ve gotta lot of good reasons to suspect, and it’s driving me crazy. Someone put me out of my misery and just level with me, for crying out loud. Do you trust your own instincts or those lyin’ eyes?

It’s like John Cleese said in the movie “Clockwise,” “I can take the despair, it’s the hope I can’t stand.”

This is probably one of the most gut-wrenching places a person can be. The “not knowing” phase. And, you’ll do anything to find out, go to any lengths (ever watch an episode of “Cheaters?”). Who could blame you?

Getting Over an Affair – Stage 2) I know. It’s all out. The truth has spilled out. They’ve come clean.

This is the phase I now find fascinating – although “fascinating” is probably not a word I would have used when it all fell apart for me. “Anger” more like it. It became my middle name. No one could have been a bigger horses ass than I was.

I took a blow-torch and went to burn the city down. Not good. At all. All it did was lead me face to face with my own destruction.

I guess what I find so intriguing is the last phrase in the cycle of getting over an affair, when the drama has all played out, and you’ve come face to face with the facts.

The anger has subsided, and there you are. What’s been done is irreversible. And, then…

Getting Over an Affair; Who Survives?

Why do some couples discover signs of cheating and move on to productive lives afterward,  and why do some stay stuck in the mire of the pained past, living through that echo, over and over and over again, a Groundhog Day in hell?

One thing I think I learned through that process: being right doesn’t carry much meaning. In fact, it can be a fairly empty place.  If you’re getting over an affair and feel being right will be a vindication, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.

“They did, they should not have…” Followed by screams and yelping that would make Linda Blair sound melodic.

You’re right.

They should not have done this.  But, they did.  Now, you have to deal with it.  There is no more lonely place than Denialville.

Getting Over An Affair: Your Survival

Getting over an affair is difficult, I think, because of the definition of life is with your significant companion.

You share everything: friends, family, a history and an image of what you believe the rest of your days will hold in store. In those ingrained images is your companion.  In those images is your whole existence.

But, when this sphere cracks wide open there is the realization that your life is not what you thought it was. It will not be what you imagined it to be, no matter how much you scream and cry.

Even if couples go on, jumping past enough of the obstacles of getting over an affair,  a completely new definition of who they are and what they are about has to come into play if the survival is real.

This is a call to wake up and begin again. And, God, is that painful. Especially when you are in a period of your life where you thought you had it all figured out.

The call of being betrayed, of coping with infidelity, and getting over an affair is also the call of waking up from the dream you’ve been. That dream is over, and it’s time to dream again.

“There’s a heart breaking, but it feels alright.” – Bob Geldof, “A Gospel Song”

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Getting Over An Affair

Tagged as: getting over an affair, Signs of Cheating, surviving infidelity

Article by Stan Sentavi

I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."

has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com

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