Here’s a quick “help fix my marriage” tip for couples in marriage crisis: Listen. That’s the simple tip. But, unfortunately, it is not really all that simple.
When a partner betrays you, it is extremely difficult to listen to what they have to say. And, conversely, it may be just as difficult for them to say anything because of their embarrassment and shame. Who wants what they have hidden to be revealed? Who wants to acknowledge they’ve broken a sacred trust?
When you are betrayed every impulse you have is to emote. “How could you do this to me?” “What in the hell were you thinking?” “I could just kill you for this.” The wave of emotion that comes can be overwhelming, destructive even. It can do a lot of damage if you’re not careful.
But, once all that is passed – and it will pass – you are left with some really interesting questions that deserve answers if your relationship is to grow and change. Most couples going through a betrayal stick together after the affair is over. There are problems in the marriage, but at the end of the day, they really don’t want to give it up. It’s hard to walk away from a good chunk of your life.
Help Fix My Marriage – The Number One Tip
So, then, what’s to be done when you’re looking for answers to the problem of: help save my marriage?
This is where the listening comes in. When you ask, “Why did you do it?” and you’re looking for the real motivation behind the act instead of passing judgment on your partner, there is a chance for your relationship to grow in ways you may not have imagined previously. But, you have to pay attention, and you may not like some of what you hear.
Then, after you have heard your partner, after you have really listened to them describe what has been going on inside of them all these past weeks and months, it is your turn to speak, and they have to fully listen to what you have to say.
I think that is fundamentally what is wrong with a lot of couples in our culture; they have lost touch with one another. They stop listening and eventually stop speaking. Many times, each person involved has lost touch with themselves along the way as well.
As difficult as all this is, it can also open the door to a new dimension in the relationship if both parties are willing to let go of the past and to enter a fresh new future. That is, if they are willing to really listen.
There aren’t easy solutions to the problem of “help fix my marriage” when you are surviving infidelity. But, a deep and active listening to your partner is a great way to start.
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Article by Stan Sentavi
I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."
has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com
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Cool blog. Lets face it. It’s really hard to stay with the same person for a number of years. Not sure we’re even wired that way.
Colleen, I’m not sure I go along with “not wired” part of your comment. We have so many distractions it is more difficult than ever to have a long-lasting relationship with the same person. Difficult, sure. Impossible? No way.
There’s a tremendous mystery in relationships. That mystery grows when you are involved with the same person for an expanse of time.