How to prevent divorce? Any couple asking that question has undoubtedly encountered trouble of a tremendous magnitude. The question itself implies a matter of grave consequence.

For our purposes here in this blog post, let’s assume a couple has been together for fifteen years. Let’s assume they have children of school age, and they both work to support the household. Now, let’s assume further that one of them became involved in an affair. They didn’t really intend for it to happen, but it did.

There was some excitement to it in the beginning. It was fun and different. Exciting. But, after a time the weight of the affair began to cause problems. “What do I do now? What if my spouse finds out? What do I really want out of all of this?”

And, before you know it, the spouse did find out. Now there is the risk this relationship will come to end. Neither partner knows if they want to continue. They don’t know if they want to end it either. Confusion reigns. Where do we go from here? Sound remotely familiar? There is anger and intense bitterness. Nothing seems to get fully expressed, and the pain cuts a circular path, repeating itself again and again.

How to Prevent Divorce – It Starts with Forgiveness

This I do know: This couple has no chance for survival without a true and deep forgiveness. Without that this couple is doomed to endlessly re-live the pain of the betrayal, it will not let them go. Each party tries to logically figure out how it happened and who is to blame. It’s as if with the proper judgment, all will be right again, the pain will be lessened, and they can move on to rest of their lives. One way or the other.

This pain anchors them to the betrayal. The only way out of that is through a sincere forgiveness. That forgiveness allows both partners to be free of the affair and to move on to different part of their relationship. The forgiveness is NOT just for the betrayer, it is for the betrayed as well. It is for them both.

I also know for some couples this is not do-able. Forgiveness after an affair is an impossibility. The hurt never gets fully expressed, and the couple is doomed. They just can’t get to the point of making the choice to forgive and move on. The emotion gets the better of the logic.

If you feel you are trapped in a situation such as I described, if you feel there is no way out, and you’re wondering how to prevent divorce, just give this a try: Make the choice to forgive and see what happens.

How to Prevent Divorce & Setting Boundaries

Of course, that doesn’t mean there aren’t boundaries placed on the relationship. There are. For both of you. Forgiveness isn’t offered up with an open end. Problems need to acknowledged and dealt with. But, the first step is the choice to forgive. And, after that choice is announced and made there needs to be action taken to back up the choice.

That would mean the couple makes the effort to see one another again, to communicate, to stay in touch and be a true part of each others lives. Intimacy is re-build one step at a time. Nothing is forced. The healing has a life of its own.

If a couple has been together for several years, they have so much to lose. An entire history is going to wiped out if they divorce. An entire identity will be lost. Sometimes that is unavoidable, but in other instances the relationship can be saved if the couple would make the choice to forgive.

Again, I’m not saying this is easy. It can be very difficult. But, if you’re asking “how to prevent divorce,” you’re going to faced with many difficult circumstances. Certainly giving up on a relationship that has been a huge part of your life isn’t easy either. Nothing is easy in these situations.

If you’re asking how to prevent to divorce, if you’re surviving infidelity, know the path of healing starts with the choice of forgiveness. It starts with you.

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Tagged as: how to prevent divorce, surviving infidelity