Lying Spouse
If you are at the place where you are overcoming a lying spouse, the sorrow you may be feeling is immense. Especially if you have decided to let the relationship go and to move on to new segment of your life. It is to those folks I would like to speak today.
When I decided enough was enough and to end my marriage, the sorrow was immense. And, no matter where I go, no matter where my life may take me, I know that it will always be a part of who I am. And, I really think that is okay. And, even though I don’t want to take up permanent residence there, I don’t want to run from it either. I don’t want to sweep it under the rug.
The Lying Spouse; “Ever Thought You Loved a Girl?
I love the movie “Fandango.” I don’t think there’s a guy on the planet who would not. At the end of the movie the main character Gardner Barnes (played by a very youthful Kevin Costner) asks Phillip (Judd Nelson) if he has ever loved a woman.
“I don’t know,” Phillip says.
Gardner doesn’t believe him.
“Course you know. You ever thought you loved a girl, you loved her. That’s all love is, mostly: thoughts.”
And, that’s what makes up our lives: thoughts. And, the weight of those thoughts give meaning and significance to who we are.
If you have ended a long-standing relationship and are overcoming a lying spouse or partner, right now you may feel you will never get over the heart ache, but you will. Surviving Infidelity is a process, a journey into self, I believe.
The Lying Spouse & Some ‘Dreaded’ Advice
I detest moving into the advice department, but here goes: let yourself grieve for what you have lost. Feel it all. Allow it entry into those space that make up who you are.
It is not so much you are grieving for the loss of the person and the relationship, but you are also grieving for a section of your life you will never retrieve. All that has happened in your life makes up the current you, whether unconsciously or consciously. It is all you.
And don’t let anyone tell you how long you should grieve. No one knows but you. If you have been involved in a relationship for a number of years, the time to heal from it’s loss could be significant.
The time will come to move on. You’ll feel it more it more than know it. And, when you look back the pain will have a carved a bigger space for you to house your being. You will be more than you were before. And, your next relationship will be the better for it. You and your life do not have to be defined by your cheating partner.
Grief is a part of confronting a lying spouse and moving through it. There’s train to take you out of here, if that is what you want. It comes every day. The train is you.
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Lying Spouse
Article by Stan Sentavi
I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."
has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, such a pleasant experience its been stopping by a blog like this. And so I thought I would offer some feedback. This site was actually recommended to me by someone I work with so I thought I’d ‘trot on over’ & check it over and yes, my friend was right… terrific effort. It is a shame but there are so many blogs published that are dull and it’s cetainly heartwarming to see someone shooting from the hip, don’t stop doin’ it.
Janee, compliments will get you everywhere.
Thanks,
-Stan
Such a great little blog, certainly glad I ‘uncovered’ it. I will tell all my friends about this site & I think I’ll return soon.
Hi, not sure if you got my other message but my fiance and I really like your blog.