Men And Infidelity
Some thoughts on men and infidelity: I firmly believe that one of the chief components to two people experiencing a break in their connection is because our culture does not teach or allow men to acknowledge an inner life.
Men are not allowed to cry.
Men are not allowed to be sad.
Men are not allowed to be tender.
And, when a person is not allowed to experience a part of their being, something strange begins to take place. That person is disconnected from themselves, so is it any wonder they become disconnected to those that they are supposed to be close to?
The whole mystery of sex is tied into this as well. Isn’t a significant part of sex the movement of intimacy of two people that are in deep connection to one another? Ideally, I would think so. Sex is a unique way to communicate deeply and passionately, if the two people involved are truly in contact with each others being.
But, many men in our culture use sex as the moving away from relationship, instead of the moving into relationship. Sex becomes an escape, a release, a way to avoid a life that may have grown uncomfortable or difficult.
A relationship is relatively easy in the beginning. Two people show the best of themselves to each other, play roles for each other, perceive each other through a series of pleasant projections.
Men and Infidelity; Reality vs. Projections
But, sooner or later all of that vanishes, and the pair is left who each actually is. And, if marriage comes, there are sometimes harsh responsibilities to be faced. So, what does a person do: They run off and enjoy an avoidance. It is a way of not dealing with what is in front of them, of putting it off. And, that avoidance can many times become a painful infidelity, and it’s not long before one partner is seeing the suspicious signs of cheating.
Of course, male infidelity isn’t the only infidelity, and it doesn’t happen in isolation; surviving infidelity is the responsibility of both partners. But, women are much more open to a inner life than men. I don’t think anyone can deny that.
That doesn’t mean that men and infidelity go and hand, or that a man is the only spouse that lies; that would be ridiculous. But, it is hard to deny our culture does not give men permission to experience the totality of their being.
So, what’s to be done if you are involved with male infidelity, whether you be the woman or the man?
Men & Infidelity; A Lack of Connection
So many times I think it’s easy to get wrapped up and ‘doing’ something. “What can I say? What can I do?” We are looking for some secret something that’s going to unlock the answers and save us from our problems. But, I think it really starts with the simple movement of an aware and alert mind.
If you are a man and you fully realize that you have a whole section of your being going unattended, what happens? If you are a woman involved with man that is going through this, and you see it, plainly see it, doesn’t it evoke tremendous empathy? I’m not using this as an excuse, by any mean. But, there are reasons things happen as they do.
I believe it is all about connection. That’s why two people can have a better relationship then they did before a betrayal. Once they were asleep to each other, and now they are awake to one another. The betrayal becomes the emotional highlighter of what was wrong with the relationship and acts as the catalyst for change. It is the call to “wake up.”
Men and infidelity are not an unavoidable conclusion, but it takes a special couple to avoid the pitfalls.
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Men And Infidelity
Article by Stan Sentavi
I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."
has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com
