Surviving divorce, going through the pain of a betrayal, leads to many questions about who we are and what motivates us.
On my walk this morning, I thought of an episode that happened when I was at the “curiosity stage” of the break up of my marriage. That was before everything had hit the fan, before all the facts had come out, before I ever dreamed I’d one day be in a place of surviving infidelity, but I knew intuitively that something was deadly wrong.
My daughter was (and is) into the whole horse thing. She was just a little girl, and I had taken her to see the movie “Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron.”
“Spirit” is the story of a wild stallion, ripped from his home and his determined quest to return there against all odds.
I’m a little embarrassed to admit the affect this movie had on me. After it was over, I couldn’t stop the flood of tears. My daughter was tugging on my sleeve. “Are you okay, Daddy?”
Now, what has infidelity or surviving divorce to do with any of this?
In hindsight now I think I knew I was about to lose my “home,” my place in the world and the definition of who I was. But, it was more than that.
Surviving Divorce & the Meaning of “Home”
The theme of “home” has always had meaning to me. I believe now, too, that “home” has a great deal to do with the “love” in our culture.
We look to the love relationship for acceptance and to keep us safe. Isn’t this a definition of “home?” Love comes to be our protector, to do for us what we can’t do for ourselves.
No wonder we are driven to unreachable sadness when we feel we may lose it.
But, I question all of that now. Do I really want a parent instead of a partner? Of course, I want to be accepted and understood, but is it realistic to expect someone else to do for me what I cannot do for myself?
And, wouldn’t this lead to an eventual break-down of a relationship by putting an unrealistic expectation upon its parameter?
I know now “home” is always the place I am, it is my journey and belongs to no other, but I did not know that then.
Walking the path of infidelity, getting passed a cheating lover and eventually surviving divorce, can lead to a complete re-examination of the whole phenomenon of being in love. Strip away all the cultural definitions, all those expectations, images and roles, and what do you really have? What is that energy?
Those questions can take you to some really interesting places if you live them.
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Article by Stan Sentavi
I have been through a betrayal that I thought would break me. It didn't. It made me stronger and more resolute. I am a wiser and a better person in the end. I now know the most important relationship you ever have is with yourself. Be responsible and demand the life you want. No excuses. No playing the role of "victim."
has written 87 awesome articles for us at InfidelitySurvivor.com
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